Dear Pastor,
I wish I did not have to write this letter. I wish your story were an anomaly, a rare and isolated incident in the life of the church. Unfortunately, your experience is one of many, a tragic reminder of the pain that can arise from the very place meant to bring healing and hope.
Over the years, I have walked alongside many pastors. I’ve listened as they recounted the betrayal, confusion, and heartache they endured. These stories emerge from a common pattern, a series of events that many unjustly fired pastors seem to experience. Maybe your story is fresh; the shock is still settling. Maybe your story is in the past, but the memories ring hard like glass shattering on a hard floor. What happened?
It often begins innocently enough. Perhaps you made a decision that seemed prudent to you. Possibly it was a set of decisions. But something triggered a chain reaction with an individual or group in the church. You didn’t intend to raise their ire, but that’s what happened. You may not even know now exactly what it was then that ignited the whole situation.
While you were praying, leading, and serving, someone began sowing seeds of discontent. Power brokers talked behind the scenes. The elders or personnel committee started having secret meetings without you. While you continued shepherding, a quiet rebellion was brewing. Your selfless focus on ministry gave others a window of opportunity to leverage their energy against you.
Then came the accusations—seemingly out of nowhere. You were blindsided by things you knew weren’t true. The most sinister of these allegations began with the phrase, “People are saying.” You found yourself defending against vague and anonymous complaints, each more hurtful than the last.
You got called into an urgent meeting with almost no notice. Everyone there seemed prepared, but you had no idea what was happening. When you walked into the room, the cold expressions and closed body language hinted at a dark turn. The room was tense. These people claimed to be your friends yet couldn’t look you in the eye.
The moment of truth was anything but that. The power players repeated the vague and anonymous complaints. Perhaps you tried to defend yourself. Or maybe, in that moment, you knew. It was over. They demanded you resign because they didn’t have the courage to fire you. Cowards. A small severance and non-disclosure agreement was placed in front of you. The fight response kicked in, and you wanted to expose the lies. But you took what they offered, even as it felt like you were selling your silence to them. You faced the awful dilemma of choosing to feed your family or defend your reputation.
While a brief statement mentioned you didn’t have a moral failure, the rumor mill still churned out its own explanations, and none of them were kind. Your church family was left confused and hurt. Maybe a few people demanded answers, but they abandoned their efforts after the stonewalling produced nothing satisfactory. The most shocking part was how quickly most moved on while asking no questions. The silence of the majority cut deeper than any of the false accusations.
Your heart was heavy then, and, to some degree, it still is. The feelings of abandonment and betrayal remain. If this is your story, please know you are not alone. The pain is real, but so is your purpose. Maybe you’ve stepped away from ministry for a season. The trauma was just too much. Or maybe you’re plodding through a new assignment, the albatross of regret hanging heavy and weighing down your progress. Please know you are loved. You are valued. And there is hope ahead. I know. I’ve been there. Many years ago. And now I’m exactly where God wants me to be. You will get there too.
Posted on May 5, 2025
As President of Church Answers, Sam Rainer wears many hats. From podcast co-host to full-time Pastor at West Bradenton Baptist Church, Sam’s heart for ministry and revitalization are evident in all he does.
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55 Comments
This happened to me last year. I got a secular job and do some pulpit supply from time to time now. This was very hard on me and my wife. I had done nothing wrong except not make the right people happy. No sin issue, but I can feel that cloud of doubt above my head none the less. No one defended me. My denominational leaders were not interested in establishing if there was any wrong doing or if this was a church discipline issue. Still stings, but my conscious is clear.
The sting always hurts, but when your conscious is clear, you know your account before God will also be clear. Thank you, Allen.
I literally just came out of a meeting an hour ago where I was let go after almost 9 years. 20 weeks severance if I say I resigned and sign a NDA. Ten weeks if I don’t. What started as untrue accusations ended up with a decision that it was time for a change … “no hard feelings”. I’ve been in this position before and I’ve never felt it was right for me to say I resigned if I didn’t feel God was moving me on. If the board feels so strongly about this, let them own it before the congregation and not dump it on me. Of course they couch it in “we’ve been praying about this.” I told them, if the Lord wants a change that involves multiple people, he will let all the people involved know, not just one. It’s like the man who tells a woman “God told me to marry you” when she hardly knows the guy! Thank you for the unbelievably timely blog. I am confident that God has something for me down the road that is good. It’s just that what I have now is good and I didn’t think it was time to leave.
Wow, Jeff! I am praying for you this morning. I’m asking God to provide next steps and give you a clear path forward with a great season of ministry ahead. I’m so sorry.
Thanks, Sam. Been there.
Yup. Grateful for you, Rob!
This happened to my dad. He was a pastor in an old church in a small town, a little under 2,000 people. He had been there about 7 years. Dad at least had some idea it was coming. Some people were very resistant to operating the church under Biblical principles with God based preaching. A special meeting was called, and dad started the meeting with ‘all those in favor of me leaving stand up’. People were walking around pulling other people to their feet. At that my mom and dad walked out, crying. They walked across the road to the parsonage. A few later minutes came a knock at the door. Four families were there and told dad that they would like to start a new church if he was willing. A new church was born. The next day there was a lock on the church door to keep dad out and he was given 4 weeks to vacate the parsonage. The first Sunday was Mother’s Day. Dad stayed in town and pastored for 60 years. He went home to the Lord, almost 11 years ago. Our church is doing fine.
Goodness. I’m thankful God provided a incredibly fruitful ministry.
Sam –
As you know, I know this situation far too well. Except, this was another staff member who turned the senior pastor against the worship/executive pastor. Great article – so much truth here! This is what happens when pastors and leadership do not live by Matthew 18 in a church. The bottom line is that it’s about people building their own kingdom rather than the Kingdom of God. More of a country club mentality (I’m a Church Member) than a servant’s heart and a loving spirit, which was the example that was given to us by Jesus himself.
Thank you for this article and the pain is still real even after three years.
Blessings, Geg
My prayers are with you this morning, Greg. Always good to hear from you.
Oh, Sam!
What a beautiful post! While I wasn’t fired, things became so toxic I had to resign. Many of the things you rehearsed in your post were my story as well.
Thank you for your empathy, which ten years ago when I was “going through it” would have elicited weeping on my part. It seemed like no one understood. I suspect that may be the case for some of your readers.
Most importantly, your post took a turn to the light when you reminded your readers of God’s promise. I, too, am where I am supposed to be. In the midst of my trial, Psalm 138 became very precious to me. The last two verses, especially (ESV):
Though I walk in the midst of trouble,
you preserve my life;
you stretch out your hand against the wrath of my enemies,
and your right hand delivers me.
The Lord will fulfill his purpose for me;
your steadfast love, O Lord, endures forever.
Do not forsake the work of your hands.
Thanks for this gift to the broken!
Psalm 138 gets an “Amen!” from me.
Sam,
Thanks for the post. I was not unjustly fired but was certainly treated in similar ways that led to my decision to move on from the church I pastored.
My wife wrote a book for ministry wives hurt by these kinds of experiences. I know this just seems like a plug but the book really is a helpful tool for ministry wives dealing with the pain of church mistreatment. It was therapeutic and healing for her.
I understand if you prefer to not post things like this, but info for the book can be found at this Facebook page if you feel it might be helpful. https://www.facebook.com/profile.php?id=61564372345567
Blessings,
Steve
Thank you for sharing, Steve.
Wow, Sam, your “Open Letter to a Pastor Unjustly Fired” was me… exactly. It was 16 years ago and I thought the Father was done with me in ministry. But God… wasn’t finished with me. It didn’t happen overnight however Father has brought healing and continues to remind me of who I am and Whose I am. He didn’t give up on me and today is allowing me to minister the gospel of grace to a small body of believers in Venice, FL.
Thank you for sharing this letter with us…
In Christ,
Brett
Thankful God provided you a better season. And in paradise!
What would be some good resources/advice if you are in the middle of this situation and the request to resign has not yet come? Is the goal not to be reconciled and see God work through the pride and difficulties so that the church may be built up to love and good works? Any advice on how to keep trusting God and believing the best would be appreciated.
You must be wise. There are evil people in churches who believe they are doing “God’s work” by removing (and destroying) the pastor. Remember, it was the religious leaders who had Jesus crucified. If you are going through it, you have joined the “fellowship of Christ’s sufferings.”
My heart still yearns for reconciliation after ten years. But, while you can forgive, reconciliation cannot happen until the offenders acknowledge their offense. Unfortunately, it rarely happens. And, outside of a miracle, I doubt that I will ever be reconciled to the church that tormented my wife and me.
If you have emotional and spiritual resiliency to do battle with the evil in your church, then, in the long run, that may be the best for the church. I did not have those reserves. Few do.
There are quite a few books that have been published about those who abuse pastors in churches. The best one that I read and which really helped me was written back in the 80’s. https://www.amazon.com/Antagonists-Church-Identify-Destructive-Conflict/dp/0806623101
May God give you wisdom and every grace as you navigate your stormy seas.
Thank you for the counsel and honesty. It is so sad to see so much hurt within the body of Christ.
You always have sage and kind words to share, Bob. Thank you.
There is also another surprising outcome! You are led to a setting (church) that matches your spirit and skill set so beautifully, it’s heartbreaking. My advice: if it is an unfair separation…trust that you will be led to where you were meant to be…in due time. Grieving and ranting may be necessary steps toward clarity!
Excellent, positive perspective!
Yeah, been through this.
The absolute worst part is how they treated my wife and children.
Even their friends turned their backs on them.
This was my job, but it was THEIR CHURCH, and THEIR COMMUNITY.
I am happily no longer in vocational ministry. I have a great secular career where people are honest, ethical, professional, and don’t torment my family (Go figure).
We all serve at a good church with good people, we’re we can speak and hear Biblical truth without bowing to idols for a paycheck.
Never ever turning back.
I’m thankful you have found a good place to serve.
This can also happen in larger churches, when a new senior pastor is hired. He may not feel couple with the existing staff and other pastors. It may be because of insecurities or maybe he just wants to bring in his own team. I have experienced it personally. I have seen others hurt when they lost their job, their church, and their spiritual family, all because the new pastor couldn’t take time to build relationships and develop the existing staff. He tells himself that he is being a good CEO and making the hard decisions, all while deeply hurting people who have faithfully served the Lord.
So true, Steve.